Dear Reader,
A few weeks ago I sat down with Stacy Uhrig, a coach and trauma specialist to talk about burnout. This was Stacey’s second appearance on my show. Stacey first appeared on my show for Episode 22 all about developmental trauma and how it impacts our adult lives. It was a fantastic episode. I highly recommend you check it out!
For this episode, we are talking burnout. I think we have all heard the term burnout, and many of us may have experienced it. But what is burnout really? What really causes it and how do we recover from it? Better yet, how do we prevent it from happening in the first place? We talked about all of this and more on this episode.
Burnout: A Nervous System Breakdown
Stacey explained burnout in a way I had never thought of it before. We have all heard the term “nervous breakdown.” I don’t know about you, but when I hear that term, I think of someone who is completely unable to function, get out of bed and perform any of their life’s duties. They may even need to be hospitalized to get better. The picture I conjure in my mind is not the same as what comes up when I think about someone experiencing burnout.
And let’s not even get started on the cultural connotation differences between burnout and a nervous system breakdown! One is considered a badge of honor, while the other is something to be ashamed of.
But Stacey challenges that entire thought process. She says burnout is a a nervous system breakdown. What does that mean? It means that in burnout, the nervous system is overloaded and unable to hold the amount of activation it is experiencing. When our nervous system literally cannot hold that hyperarousal state any longer, it collapses which looks like burnout and depression OR a nervous system breakdown.
It is a visceral reaction with symptoms like panic, facial flushing, fluttering, chest tightness, throat tightness, stomach pain, exhaustion overwhelm and lack of motivation. These symptoms are often called anxiety. But Stacey says that labeling this state as anxiety doesn’t serve us. It keeps us stuck in an unhelpful diagnosis that we may believe we have no control over.
What if instead we said, “I’m feeling really activated today? or My nervous system needs calming today.” What if we saw this as a wound that needs attention?
Burnout Is Our Bodies Alarm System
While the symptoms of burnout may be extremely unpleasant, it is helpful to think of them as your body’s alarm system. Similarly to the way we pull our hand back from a hot stove, our nervous system is pulling back from what feels dangerous or painful to us. Our system is actually trying to act on our behalf and protect us. Symptoms of burnout can be caused by toxic work environments and challenging life circumstances, but it is often in response to an internal wound that hasn’t been healed. As a result we develop coping strategies as a protection mechanism. But eventually those coping strategies lead us to burnout.
What Behaviors Lead To Burnout?
Often people think that it is their job or life circumstance that is causing the burnout. This leads to choices like leaving a job or making other major life choices in an effort to escape the burnout. But what happens if your life circumstances improve, or you quit your job but the burnout remains? What does that mean and how do we fix it?
Stacey says the most common behaviors she sees in her clients experiencing burnout are people pleasing, perfectionism, overfunctioning, codependency, lack of boundaries, deprioritizing self, and needing external validation.
These behaviors all stem from experiences we had in our developmental years that taught us that if we wanted to feel safe, connected and loved, we needed perform in a certain way. We disconnect from ourselves and our needs to prevent the pain of feeling disconnected from others.
I think we all have at least one person in our lives, or maybe it’s yourself, who exhibits these behaviors. The person who never says no, never does anything for themselves, will spend their life savings on their kids but won’t buy themselves a thing, will let people walk all over them or will only be happy when those around them are happy.
These are all primers for burnout. We do them as long as we can because we think we have to. But eventually, we just can’t anymore, and that’s when burnout strikes.
How Do We Know If The Situation Or An Unhealed Wound Is Causing Burnout?
Stacey was clear on saying that there are situations in life and work that are toxic or more than our systems can and should handle. “Sometimes life is just too much…..and it’s ok not to be ok” But sometimes, it is about how we are showing up in our life that is keeping our nervous system in overdrive.
So how do we know? Bottom line, a healthy dose of self awareness and intuition coupled with what we hear other people saying about the situation. Often if it is truly situtationaly dependant, other people will also be recognizing how challenging things are and talking about it.
The Slow Burn
Stacey explains that burnout doesn’t happen overnight. Often it’s a slow burn. On the outside someone may look like they are doing great at the game of life, but on the inside they are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, exhausted and on the precipitous.
Or maybe someone is managing the stresses of life well, but then life gets lifey and starts piling things on their plates that are hard and out of their control and it pushes their nervous system past what they can handle.
Either way our nervous system has a limit, when we push past that limit, burnout is inevitable.
Burnout & Dharma
Stacey and I talk about how when we are living and working outside of our Dharma or purpose, we are much more likely to fall victim to burnout. Forcing yourself to live out of alignment with your soul’s purpose takes A BIG toll on your nervous system. Even when life is going exactly as “planned” our soul is yearning for something else and it becomes activated.
I shared my personal experience with this on this episode. My story is is not unusual. You may even see yourself in it. But I can tell you for sure, living in alignment with my soul’s calling has a tremendous soothing effect on my nervous system. Even just visualizing my life as my soul desires it to be is healing on a physical and emotional level.
Awareness Is The First Step
If you read this post or listen to the podcast and think you may be in burnout, what can you do? Well, first, congratulate yourself. You just became aware and awareness is the first step on the journey to healing.
Second, get curious. There is a ton of free content on this topic. Podcasts, blogs, books and online workshops and master classes. Stacey loves Dr. Nicole LePera the The Holistic Psycologist and Mastin Kipp. Both are on Instagram, youtube and have websites and books.
Third, drop the shame and blame. Stacey used one of my favorite quotes from Maya Angelou “when you know better you do better.” You just became aware, you couldn’t have done anything any sooner. We all need to walk our journey of life, in the order and timing that was designed for us to grow. Accept your path and be grateful for it’s teachings.
Lastly, talk to a therapist or coach who can walk beside you on your journey of healing.
Mindful Moments Invitations
Try putting your cell phone away for a period of time. Challenge yourself to go 30 -60 minutes with your cell phone off or in a different room. Want to go wild….go a whole day!
Intentional choose to put your cell phone away throughout the day during windows of time where we don’t have anything to do. Examples are standing in line at the store, waiting at a red light, waiting in a doctors office. Can you be present during that time and see how it feels.
Do a body scan and see what it feels like when your nervous system is activated. Remember awareness is key!
Take time to journal on your life and investigate if it feels in alignment with your soul’s desire. Take some time to journal or visualize what life would look like if it were and see how your body feels
If you feel like you are in burnout, check out the resources linked above mentioned by Stacey.
Lastly, check out my minisode on how to move toward your dharma by learning what it feels like in your body when you are engaging in your soul’s purpose.
Sending You Love, Blessings & So Much Gratitude Reader,
Katie
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