Hi Reader!
I hope you have had the opportunity to listen to last week’s episode on Ahisma. If not, click the button above to listen! Last week I discussed one of the ethical tenets of yoga, the Yama Ahisma. In Sanskrit Ahisma translates into the word nonviolence. I think we are all aware that we live in a world where there is a lot of violence. In fact, the amount of violence currently happening in the world can be very overwhelming to think about. But, as average moms taking care of our kids, working and running a home, you might be asking, why do I need to learn about nonviolence? I am not a violent person. Ahisma asks us to dive deeper into the meaning of nonviolence and see how we are often violent with ourselves and others in small, but impactful ways. Ahisma also offers us ways to recognize when this is happening and practices that steer us in a different direction. It also helps us to understand, that our ability to be nonviolent with others is in direct proportion with our ability to be nonviolent with ourselves.
So, let me give you some examples of what this violence looks like. Have you ever been stressed out and blew your fuse with someone? Have you ever compared yourself to someone else thinking that they were smarter, prettier, thinner, had a better, spouse, house, car, vacations or life? Have you ever judged your kids against someone else’s kids? Have you ever judged anyone about anything? Have you ever deprived yourself of basic needs like enough sleep, rest, or food and water when you were hungry or thirsty? These are all everyday examples of violence, that we may not recognize. And they are not without consequences in relationships, jobs, life satisfaction and the world as a whole. We are all interconnected, when we act out of violence, even if it is only toward ourselves, we are harming the whole.
We learn how to be nonviolent, or live Ahisma, by learning what precipitates our violent behaviors and then consciously practicing courage, balance, self love and compassion.
These four pillars are the guideposts to a nonviolent life.
Finding Our Courage
If we break down all the violence that we see in the world from wars, to abuse, to physical and emotional assaults, greed, deception and even turning away from someone in need, it all stems from fear. Fear creates violence. Fear of not having enough, of not being enough and of not being loved.
There are two types of fear. Fear that is a survival instinct and works to keep us alive, and fear that we have created in our mind. For example, I may say to one person, let’s go sing karaoke tonight! Depending on the story they have playing in their mind that might say, Yeah…that sounds so fun! Or, they might think, I can’t do that. I can’t sing, people will judge me or laugh at me. People will be looking at me and might not like my outfit, hair, body weight or a million other things. Now, don’t get me wrong, in your body and mind, this fear feels the same as the fear that keeps you alive. But it is actually all in your imagination. It is a story that your brain is creating and you are choosing to believe. This is the kind of fear that I am referring to here.
When we abide by the stories our brains tell us and shrink our world to fit comfortably inside the box of those fears, we lose the opportunity to expand into the person we were meant to be. New people and experiences open us up and create a whole new space to play and explore in life. We suddenly see ourselves and the world differently and our hearts open to ourselves and others. When we loose the fear, we have no need for violence.
Doing this requires courage. Make no mistake about it, courage is not the absence of fear, it is being afraid and doing it anyway. It is the recognition that this fear, as powerful as it feels, resides only in the stories our brains are telling us, and we are not actually in danger. To Quote Deborah Adele, “To live the fullness that our own life is inviting us into, we often have to let ourselves be afraid and do it anyway. If you caught my episode on The Messy Middle, this might be ringing a bell. Facing our fears, mustering our courage and moving forward is the only way to dissolve the fear and grow.
Creating Balance
If we are going to be courageous, we are going to have to show up as our best selves. And in order to do that, we need to create balance in our bodies, minds and souls. When we are overly tired, stressed, scared, or in overwhelm, the dis-ease we feel in our bodies makes it’s way out as acts of violence. Ever had a bad nights sleep and then spent the rest of the day being short with your kids and partner (Definitely not speaking from experience here.😜)? But when we feel balanced and easeful inside our bodies, we can more easily express that to ourselves and others.
Creating balance is no easy feat. We have busy, stressful and complicated lives. But, if we choose to be intentional about creating balance, we can purposely insert practices into our lives that help us get there.
Creating balance requires us to listen to our own needs. To get quiet and still enough to hear what our body is trying to tell us. Do we need more sleep, food, rest, time doing things we love, time in community? There are an endless number of ways that we can restore balance to our systems and each person is unique in their needs. When we tap into our intuition, we will hear answers.
When we are in balance life feels better. It feels more easeful and more joyous. We can be the person we know we are meant to be.
Self Love
Have you ever noticed that you treat other people the way you treat yourself? I will give you an example. I am a bit of a task oriented person. I see the 3 mile long list of things that need to be accomplished and it creates a sense of unease in my body. I want to get it all done, but fear I will not have enough time. So I become extremely irritated with anyone in my family who seems to be just loafing around being unproductive. Don’t they see how much needs to be accomplished?? How can they just be doing nothing?? When this happens, I begin barking orders at each member of the family. I assign tasks and expect them done immediately and flawlessly. These are the expectations I have for myself and I wind up putting them on others as well. But it could be anything. Are you critical with yourself? Do you have a hard time forgiving yourself? Whatever it is, it is likely spilling out of you and all over the people in your life. That is why it is essential to love yourself. When you love yourself, you can love others. Love is at the heart (pun intended) of nonviolence. Love and fear cannot coexist, and fear creates violence.
To love ourselves does not mean we need to fix ourselves. It means loving and accepting all parts of us just as we are. It means seeing ourselves through eyes of forgiveness, free from expectations and judgements. Eyes that see the imperfections and appreciate them. It means forgiving ourselves and releasing guilt. Like courage and balance, this is not something that is easy or happens overnight. It is an ongoing, intentional practice that will improve over time. But over time, you can shift from fear ruling your life, to love.
Developing Compassion
Compassion requires us to start seeing the interconnectedness of all things. It happens when we realize that we are much more alike than we could ever be different, and that the suffering of one is the suffering of all. This can be a hard place to get to. Our egos wants to see ourselves as separate and more important than others. This is a trick the ego plays because it thinks that it is protecting us. When we drop into our bodies and our hearts, we can feel the truth of reality. And although it may not be comfortable or easy at all times, when we see and feel the truth, we cannot unsee or unfeel it.
Compassion is more than just a feeling. It is an urge to act in a way that eases the suffering of another. We feel compelled to do so. I will give you a small example from my own life. I had a patient this week. She was tall for a women, almost 6 foot and full term pregnant with twins. She was being induced and the process was quite slow. She had been there for 12 hours when I came on in the morning. I was told by the off going nurse that she had not slept at all overnight because she said the bed was too small for her and she was too uncomfortable. When I entered the room she was sitting on the edge of the bed, bolt upright with wires and cables hanging everywhere. My sense of compassion for this woman and her experience compelled me to find a solution to this situation. The rest of the medical team felt badly that she was uncomfortable, but believed there was nothing that could be done. I was unwilling to accept that answer because of my compassion for her and her situation.
I was able to order a different kind of bed from another part of the hospital and have it delivered to her. The bed was so much better suited for her size and she was finally able to relax back and get some rest and feel at ease during this very important time in her life.
When we see a situation, and just cannot help ourselves from doing something to solve or at least mitigate (even if just a little) the suffering of another, that is compassion. As Adele puts it, “Compassion is like this. It moves us across the boundaries of established norms and often past the boundaries of safety, rushing headlong to what it can to ease another’s suffering. Compassion forgets itself and the standards of protocol to help another.”
Practices To Grow Ahisma
Consider practicing courage this week. Do something that you normally wouldn’t do out of fear. Become curious about the fear and where it is coming from. If you really want to challenge yourself, make friends with the fear.
Consider making balance a priority. Listen to your mind, body and spirit and decide what it needs. This can look any way that feels good to you, there are no rules!
Consider getting curious about what your inner critic is saying? Then ask, is that really true? Turn the phrases around to be true and repeat them any time you hear the old critic surfacing.
Consider practices act of kindness this week. When you see a person whose suffering you can ease, take the opportunity. Even small acts have a big impact on you and them.
I hope this newsletter helped you better understand the concept of Ahisma and how to grow it in your life. I would love to know what you think! Hit reply and share your thoughts!
I hope you have a wonderful week Reader!
Love and Blessings To You,
Katie
