Hi Reader!
In Friday’s episode of the podcast I talked with Alyssa Booth, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Empowered Body Coach. Alyssa is on a mission to help women across the world cultivate body acceptance and positive self-image, break free from diet culture and achieve food freedom, develop healthy coping mechanisms for stress and anxiety, and live authentically and aligned with their values.
I know for me personally, loving my body and dropping judgement has been a lifelong struggle. One I still face today, especially as I enter a new phase of my life where my body is rapidly changing for reasons out of my control (hello perimenopause!).
I felt this topic was really important to my show because here at Mom On The Verge, we are on a mission to return home to ourselves. Any time we judge ourselves, we are placing encasing our hearts in a layer of ice and creating separation from our authentic self. If we want to return home to ourselves, we have to melt the ice by shining the light of awareness on any issue that creates that space with compassion, love, acceptance and forgiveness.
“If You Have A Body It Will Change”
One of the first things that Alyssa said in our chat is that bodies change. If you are in a body (which I think I am safe in assuming we all are. 😜), it will change. Our bodies are not meant to stay the same across a lifetime, or even across adulthood. I think we all “know” this, but do we deeply understand it in our bones. Do we know it on a level that gives us freedom from the uncomfortable feelings that arise when our bodies actually do change. You may have felt it as you entered adolescence, after the birth of a child, an illness or injury, perimenopause or menopause. The uncomfortable feelings that arise make us want to resist the change, fight against it with all of our might. We are trying to essentially stay the same as before or make ourselves “better.” But what is this resistance doing to our mental health and where did it come from?
Swimming In A Toxic Soup
It’s time to call a spade a spade. From childhood, we have been swimming in a toxic soup when it comes to body image. Comments from family members about our bodies or their own, the endless marketing and media we are exposed to, the well meaning doctors who equate weight with health, and so much more all add up to an unspoken, and unavoidable message. Weight and certain body features are a measure of beauty, inherent value, worth and and ability. I can remember family members making comments about my body from a very young age. It was the first time I realized that maybe there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed. Anyone relate??
At a young age we begin to realize that being the right size and proportioned in the right areas, (which is an ever shifting target I might add) equates to being loved, valued, likable, having friends, a romantic partner, disciplined, a high performer and generally being a good person. While being overweight carries the stigma of being lazy, gross, unlikable, generally not as good at anything, undisciplined and less than. We unconsciously absorb all of these messages on a regular basis. So much so, that we start to forget that we are swimming in a toxic soup of unhealthy, and arbitrary, ideas that benefit no one! What do you think that these beliefs do to our self image, self worth, self confidence and self esteem? How do you think they influence the way you see other people? Do you make assumptions about other people based on how they look, or does it change the way you interact with them and your ability to be open hearted and minded?
The Comparisonitis Trap
Have you ever caught yourself in the trap of comparisonitis? The killer of joy, gratitude and peace? We do it in many areas of our lives, but a big one is our bodies and our weight. By constantly comparing ourselves to other people who we think have more beautiful bodies or features, or even comparing ourselves to ourselves at a different stage of our lives, we are stealing from ourselves. We are stealing our joy, peace and ability to live in the space of gratitude. How many times a day do you think you do this to yourself? Really stop and think about it. Every time you look in the mirror? Every time you look at a picture of yourself? How about every time you go to the gym or a yoga class, or meet a new person? And how much of your behavior is driven by wanting to change yourself so you can fit into the more ideal version of yourself that you have in your mind? Are these behaviors serving you, your mental, social and financial health?
Love Is The Salve We Need To Heal
So, how do we get out of this toxic soup and drop the comparisonitis? Love. We love ourselves enough to begin to recognize our patterns of shame, deprivation, judgement, fear and unworthiness and we begin to disrupt the pattern. Every time we make an internal judgement about ourselves, opt out of doing something we want to do for fear of judgement, make assumptions about another person, speak critically to ourselves etc., based our appearance, we have the opportunity to change. Change the thought, do the thing, act in a different way, drop the comparison and sink into gratitude. We can examine each choice and thought and ask ourselves, is this a loving thought or action? If the answer is no, we have the freedom to change it. And learning to love and accept ourselves is true freedom. How much of your mental and physical energy would be free if you choose to let go of the mental constructs that were placed upon you and have no actual meaning or value? What could you do with that freedom? Who could you be?
Self Inquiry Invitations
Feel free to use any of the questions I asked throughout this email as journal prompts to help you dive deeper into this issue. But here are a few more!
- How am I creating separation from myself and others through judgements I carry or a underlying belief that something is wrong with me?
- Do I believe that what I practice grows stronger? If so, am I practicing the thoughts and behaviors around body image that I want to grow stronger?
- How am I talking about myself and others around my kids? How do I think that impacts their ideas about body image?
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how this topic intersects with yogic philosophy. If you have been listening for a while, you may have heard my episodes on the yamas and niyamas, the ten ethical guidelines of yoga. I have been going through them one by one. I will link the ones I have done so far related to this topic below. Body image really hits hard on a few. Ahisma (nonviolence), Ateya (non-stealing), Aparigraha (non-possessiveness) and Santosha (contentment).
- Ahisma – are you being violent to yourself or others in your thoughts or judgements?
- Ateya – are you stealing experiences or relationships from yourself by holding back because of your relationship with body image?
- Aparigraha -are holding on too tightly to a previous version of yourself?
- Santosha – are you living in comparisonitis and preventing yourself from feeling the warm, grounded peace of contentment?
The impact our body image has on our overall wellbeing is a really big one. I hope the podcast and this newsletter helped you gain a little more clarity on the topic. Remember, change is not something that happens overnight. We are on a journey that requires time and gentle awareness. It requires releasing old patterns and developing news ones over and over again until the new ones settle into our bones. It requires far more than just knowing information, it requires the information and our own experiences be processed and allowed to integrate deeply into our hearts, bodies and souls. So be patient, kind and gentle with yourself on the path returning home.
In Deep Gratitude For You Reader,
Katie
