Aparigraha (non-attachment) – Freedom Comes From Releasing Attachment To What We Think We Need And Allowing What Is
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DearReader,
I had one of those wake-up moments recently—a spiritual slap in the face, if you will. Even after years of studying and practicing yoga and mindfulness daily, I found myself off course. There’s a reason we call it a practice, right? Life has a funny way of humbling us just when we think we’ve got it all figured out. Sometimes, the universe gently nudges us back on track, maybe through a quiet intuition or a small break in routine that makes things clearer. But other times, it feels like a full-on slap, and that’s what I got this time! 😜 (Check out last week’s podcast episode for the full story.)
In a nutshell, I had created this idealized image of how my summer vacation would go. I had it all mapped out in my head, but when the reality didn’t match the vision, I didn’t handle it well. And I mean, really didn’t handle it well. You might be thinking, “It’s just a vacation, no big deal,” right? But the emotional turmoil I experienced was real, and it was overwhelming. It made me wonder—how could something as simple as a vacation throw me so off balance?
That question brought me inward. I knew I needed to find answers, so I turned to meditation, breathwork, prayer, and—yes—even screaming in the woods to release stuck energy (don’t judge until you’ve tried it, trust me, it works!). After all that, what I realized was that I had been holding on too tightly. Not just to my vacation plans but to everything—my vision for my family, my business, my health, my daughter’s health, and my life as a whole. I was attached to these visions, and when life didn’t align perfectly with them, I was suffering.
In yoga, there are ethical guidelines known as the Yamas and Niyamas. These are moral principles designed to help us live in harmony with ourselves and the world around us. One of the Yamas, Aparigraha, translates to non-greed, non-possessiveness, and non-attachment. But it also means letting go—releasing our grip on what we think should be and allowing life to unfold as it is.
The Power of Letting Go: Finding Purpose and Joy
Aparigraha isn’t just about material things; it also applies to our minds—our attachment to ideas, emotions, expectations, and outcomes. I realized that my suffering wasn’t just about a vacation that didn’t go as planned. It was about how tightly I was clinging to my ideas of how things should be. This attachment was blocking my ability to find true joy, inner peace, and purpose in the moment.
In the Bhagavad Gita, an ancient Hindu text, there’s a beautiful teaching that says, “Let your concern be with action alone, and never with the fruits of action.” In simpler terms, it’s reminding us to focus on the present—on the action in front of us—without worrying about the outcome. How often do we get caught up in the results of what we’re doing? Whether it’s starting a new hobby, launching a business, or making a career change, we tend to focus on whether we’ll succeed or fail, instead of enjoying the process.
Aparigraha invites us to let go of these fears and focus on what we can control—our actions, our intentions, our passion for what we love. By releasing the need to control the outcome, we open ourselves up to the true joy of living in the moment. And this is where we find our purpose. The divine has placed unique gifts, talents, and desires in your heart for a reason. When you act on those passions without attachment to how things will turn out, you allow your soul to align with its true purpose. You free yourself to live a life filled with joy and passion, not weighed down by fear and expectation.
Aparigraha in Parenting: Letting Go for Inner Peace
Parenting is one of the hardest areas to practice Aparigraha. We often feel like how our kids turn out is a direct reflection of us as parents. We pour ourselves into teaching them life lessons, getting them into good schools, finding enriching activities, and setting them up for success in every way we can think of. But how much of that is driven by fear? Fear that if we don’t do enough, they won’t turn out okay? Or fear that we’ll be judged by others if our kids don’t fit a certain mold?
We sacrifice our present joy, worrying about their future and obsessively planning how to create the “perfect” life for them. But what if we let go of the outcome? What if we released the need to control how they turn out and stopped caring about how others perceive us as parents (including family members!)?
When we let go of these attachments, we can make parenting decisions from a place of inner peace. Instead of worrying about whether our child will make the team, get into the right school, or choose the “right” path, we can focus on guiding them with love and presence. And when things don’t go as planned—when they don’t get the grade, don’t make the team, or make a questionable life choice—we can respond with peace rather than frustration. After all, clinging to a specific outcome only leads to suffering.
Aparigraha in Life: Embracing the Flow of Change
Our attachment to happiness itself can be a source of suffering. Have you ever been in the middle of a joyful experience—a vacation, a smooth part of your relationship, or an exciting project at work—and suddenly felt a pang of fear that it might end? That fear can pull you out of the joy of the present moment and into a space of anxiety.
Here’s the thing: it will end. Life is constant change. The seasons shift, our bodies change, our relationships evolve, and the things we once loved may not stay the same. But instead of clinging to the good moments, Aparigraha encourages us to embrace change and trust that it’s all part of the journey.
Think of that spot you love to visit—a beach, a favorite park bench, or even your porch. Every time you return to it, it looks slightly different, doesn’t it? Some days, the sunlight dances through the trees at just the right angle, casting long shadows across the ground. Other days, it’s cloudy, and the world feels quieter, almost as if it’s holding its breath. Perhaps there’s a breeze carrying the smell of fresh rain, or maybe it’s a crisp winter morning with frost glittering in the grass. The tide might be higher, the leaves might be changing, or maybe the flowers are in full bloom. Each visit gives you something new to take in, even though it’s the same place.
That’s life—it’s always shifting, always offering us new experiences and lessons, if only we let go and embrace them. When we resist change, we miss the beauty of these daily transformations. But when we release our attachment to how things “should” look, we allow ourselves to enjoy the simple, yet profound, beauty in front of us.
We didn’t come here to experience just one emotion. There is no joy without sorrow, no light without darkness. When we let go of our resistance to change, we discover the richness of life in all its forms.
The Freedom of Aparigraha: Living with Purpose and Joy
Our attachments—to things, outcomes, and ideas—are what hold us back from true freedom. Aparigraha teaches us to let go, to trust in the divine flow of life, and to allow each moment to unfold as it will. By releasing our grip on what we think we need, we make space for what is truly meant for us.
As the saying goes, “A bird cannot hold its perch and fly, neither can we grasp anything and be free.” (Adele)
Wishing you peace, joy, and purpose in your journey.
Warmly,
Katie Farinas
P.S. I know what it feels like to be tired, overwhelmed, and unsure of your purpose. I was once right where you are—feeling like I was lacking the passion and direction to live the life I truly desired. It took me a long time to figure out how to align with my soul’s purpose, and now I want to help you get there faster. If you’re ready to discover your purpose, find inner peace, and connect deeply with yourself, my 12-week one-on-one coaching program is designed for you.
If you’d like to get a taste of what coaching with me is like, I encourage you to listen to some of my minisodes where I walk through concepts we cover in coaching, including meditations and breathwork exercises. The people you love, and the world around you, need you to step into your purpose. Imagine how it will feel to live with clarity, passion, and connection—this is the life you are meant to live!