Hello Reader!
This week’s episode of Mom On The Verge was absolute FIRE! Brooke Jean is the friend everyone wants in their corner. She is raw, real and unfiltered. But she is also loving, kind and empathetic. It all comes through in our chat together where we talk about “shedding the should’s, normalizing normal, and embracing the messy so we can find freedom in a life un-perfected.” – Brooke Jean
For all of those mom’s out there that feel like they are on the verge, this ones for you!
Brooke became a single mother at a young age. She was determined to be there for her daughter and also to provide for her. She was burning the candle at both ends climbing the corporate ladder for 10 years and trying to be the “perfect” mom. She thought she was doing everything she “should” be doing, and had everything society tells us we “should” want. From big houses, to fancy vacations to big bonuses. But after a collective trauma that deeply impacted people she worked with, she began to question everything. After a series of events Brooke left the safety of the corporate world, began to heal her own childhood trauma and went back to school to become a therapist and start her own business. Brooke is passionate about mommy’s mental health and had some amazing things to share during our conversation.
What Does It Mean To Be A Good Mom
Brooke and I discussed how we internalize what it means to be a good mom. From a young age we are conditioned to believe that girls are supposed to be kind, patient, of service to others and many other things that strip us of our ability to have boundaries, ask for help and express our needs. The messages we receive from tv, advertisements, watching our family of origin and social media form our core beliefs of what makes a good mom. So many moms out there are working full time jobs while also trying to do all things society tells them they should and in the process they abandon themselves. Over the decades women have continuously added things to our plates without ever taking anything off and it is harming us. There is a direct correlation between the rise in women’s responsibilities and a decrease in their mental health. We can’t do it all! And we don’t have to, in fact, we shouldn’t. Brooke suggests we collectively, as mom’s, should agree on lowering the bar on what it means to be a mom. I couldn’t agree more.
Protecting Your Precious Jewels
Brooke says that we have 3 precious jewels; time, energy and sanity. Furthermore, we don’t have to give everyone access to these three things. We can be intentional about how we use, and who has access to these jewels. But first, we have to get in touch with ourselves, reconnecting our mind and body. Once we begin to be able to hear what our bodies are trying to tell us, we can start to listen to our inner guidance that moves us toward the life we really want. Getting clear on what is really important to us helps us set boundaries that protect those things. And Brooke is clear, if it doesn’t light you up, don’t do it. Continuously move toward what ignites your inner fire and leave the rest behind. Now, let’s face it, there is always stuff that needs to get done that won’t light you up (can anyone say laundry!!), but that’s where we get to ask for help. We don’t have to do it all on our own. We can get partners and kids involved. We can outsource! There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for and expecting help.
Mom Guilt…It’s A Real Thing
Ever feel guilty because you REALLY don’t want to do something that you think you should do to be a good mom? What about when your child asks you to do something that is just not your thing? Are you harming your child and your connection with them? Here’s the AMAZING news……..the answer is a resounding NO! We get to teach our kids who we are and what is important to us and why we set boundaries. This teaches our kids to be resilient, recover from disappointment and understand someone else’s needs. Teaching your child what you are for and what you aren’t is really powerful and will teach your kids so many important lessons. What our kids really need to be well adjusted is a safe space where they feel loved and free to be themselves. Everything else is a bonus.
Trust Your Mama Gut
When we learn to heal and listen to our intuition for ourselves, we become so powerful. Listen to your gut when it comes to parenting your children. You know your child better than anyone else. All you need to do is trust what you know and drown out the noise of everything else.
No Is A Complete Sentence
Protecting your jewels means saying no to what doesn’t light you up. And no gets to be just no. It doesn’t need to be followed by a lengthy explanation, excuse or white lie. And anyone who doesn’t respect that, doesn’t need to be a part of your world. I know it sounds harsh, but I promise you, when you start doing this, you will realize how much better you feel and you won’t be able to stop!
Mindful Moments
Here are a few things that Brooke does as part of her daily routine to stay in touch with her body and her intuition. I invite to to try JUST ONE of these things and see what lights you up! Just try the thing that jumps off the page at you. Let’s stay out of overwhelm by trying too many things at once. Play with one and see what feels good. After a few weeks, if it feels right, add another one.
- Create a morning routine (Brooke meditates, journals or creates and gets some morning light.
- Take a midday break – Brooke does one of these things, a Yoga Nidra session, a walk or listens to an inspirational podcast (she says she chooses based on how she feels that day. She listens to her body
- Evening Routine – Brooke says her family knows there is a period of time in the evening that belongs to her and she should not be disturbed. Hello boundaries! She stretches, does some red light therapy or legs up the wall
- Taking A Mini – Pause – Brooke takes three deep belly breaths when she needs to reset quickly
Activities To Consider
Journal on what you consider a “good mom” to be. What does a good mom do? What does she say? How much is she physically present? Does she home cook meals? Is she a room mom? Does she do things that her kids want her to do that she REALLY doesn’t want to do? Does she do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry? Is she up late at night helping her kids with homework or driving them to friends houses (hello teen mom!)? Get as detailed as possible and then read over it over and decide if you truly believe what you wrote?
Consider doing a brain dump of what you do during the day/week. Highlight the items on that list that light you up. Consider which items you could eliminate if you weren’t afraid of disappointing someone or being considered (even by yourself) a bad mom.
“When we let go of who we think we are supposed to be, we can start to co-create a life that we want to live.” Brooke Jean
I hope this episode took some pressure off you mama’s. You are doing a fantastic job. In fact, probably a little too fantastic. Time to put yourself back on the list. And ironically, when you do, you are making a deliberate choice that positively benefits you and your kids. Win Win!
Below is my meditation on intuition. So if meditation is the thing that jumped out at you, give this one a shot.
Love and Light To You Always,
Katie
